in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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