Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
