He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Cover your peen. We're going out.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
