I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
