I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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