I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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