I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
