There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
