He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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