it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
