i barfeds in our rink
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do vagina's smell?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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