i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
