I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
