Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
