I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
no, he came in my armpit
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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