Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
