I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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