Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
God I need to hump something, right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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