My hand turned me down
the condom got lost in my hair
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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