i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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