What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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