so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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