We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
