I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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