Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will pee on everything he values.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
