Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
