Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No subtext here. People are naked.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
