Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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