found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
