i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
