You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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