I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I deserve this hangover.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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