Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
