the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
