omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
