God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
