Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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