I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize