I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
