Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
