my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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