I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
