We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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