The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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