Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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