dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
