the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
