I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
