he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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