So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
