You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
