i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
