I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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