I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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