I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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