Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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