Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.

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  (973): YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower. http://tfl.nu/tblp
  Replies (2) Good night (1516) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.

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  (706): lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand. http://tfl.nu/av0q
  Replies (58) Good night (6302) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...

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  (281): I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness... http://tfl.nu/ikgx
  Replies (21) Good night (1038) Bad night (5641)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.

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  (405): I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway. http://tfl.nu/1jw1
  Replies (11) Good night (2764) Bad night (1386)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket

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  (267): It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket http://tfl.nu/ws2m
  Replies (8) Good night (715) Bad night (1734)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.

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  (606): This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce. http://tfl.nu/gzhr
  Replies (7) Good night (700) Bad night (1962)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure

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  (267): dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure http://tfl.nu/1m9t
  Replies (23) Good night (3661) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn

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  (360): He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn http://tfl.nu/981u
  Replies (6) Good night (2540) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing

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  (339): Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing http://tfl.nu/jt81
  Replies (3) Good night (798) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?

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  (586): Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right? http://tfl.nu/hfcq
  Replies (2) Good night (423) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.

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  (843): In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight. http://tfl.nu/6bps
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.

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  (262): Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs. http://tfl.nu/5llv
  Replies (10) Good night (533) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.

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  (604): Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy. http://tfl.nu/syw5
  Replies (4) Good night (433) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea

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  (512): Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea http://tfl.nu/vg1d
  Replies (5) Good night (418) Bad night (229)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"

  (703): View more from Virginia

  LET IT GO MOM

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  (703): Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection" (703): LET IT GO MOM http://tfl.nu/pq96
  Replies (1) Good night (426) Bad night (283)

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