He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
