and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...