Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.

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  (608): and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet. http://tfl.nu/bxi6
  Replies (22) Good night (714) Bad night (2114)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.

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  (732): You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up. http://tfl.nu/jzsw
  Replies (8) Good night (773) Bad night (3115)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.

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  (251): i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend. http://tfl.nu/2rn9
  Replies (9) Good night (695) Bad night (1942)
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  (516): View more from New York

  whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?

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  (516): whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"? http://tfl.nu/wiv5
  Replies (63) Good night (5381) Bad night (532)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down

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  (940): never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down http://tfl.nu/bj4x
  Replies (48) Good night (5261) Bad night (1081)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just realized these events may be related.

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  (352): I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window. (352): Just realized these events may be related. http://tfl.nu/i6sd
  Replies (21) Good night (6681) Bad night (2271)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.

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  (518): I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often. http://tfl.nu/3lpk
  Replies (40) Good night (5805) Bad night (1824)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.

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  (631): I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise. http://tfl.nu/lz74
  Replies (9) Good night (3951) Bad night (916)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.

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  (360): I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer. http://tfl.nu/agxw
  Replies (4) Good night (2270) Bad night (892)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.

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  (504): She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv. http://tfl.nu/57s8
  Replies (7) Good night (890) Bad night (1807)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.

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  (574): I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child. http://tfl.nu/o0ig
  Replies (8) Good night (1856) Bad night (631)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!

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  (920): YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN! http://tfl.nu/7v2u
  Replies (22) Good night (1462) Bad night (692)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.

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  (618): I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away. http://tfl.nu/0di0
  Replies (9) Good night (912) Bad night (699)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.

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  (610): I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home. http://tfl.nu/onnq
  Replies (1) Good night (869) Bad night (372)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.

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  (973): Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration. http://tfl.nu/tyeg
  Replies (0) Good night (455) Bad night (275)

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