Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements