All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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