So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
