i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
