I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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