our cab driver is having phone sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
