Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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