how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
