The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
