I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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