I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
