this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize