i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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