I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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