Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
