genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
